You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Pull yourself up by your boots straps!” That approach to encouraging someone is a way of saying, “Ignore whatever it is that’s bothering you and keep going anyway!” And I think there are a lot of people that respond to that kind of approach. I don’t happen to be one of them. Here’s why.

I am an introspective, educated, articulate man. If I feel bad about something, if I feel negative, if I am down on a situation or even down on myself, there’s a reason for it. It’s not a mood. So it doesn’t help me for someone to tell me to ignore my thoughts and just keep going. What I need is for someone to help me with my thoughts; someone to help me think differently. But there aren’t very many people who will enter into your world to that degree. 

I think some of the reasons why people don’t wanna go that extra mile is that it’s time consuming, draining, and may require a level of thoughtfulness and intentionality that the person doesn’t possess, making it much easier to just say, “Get over it!“

Here’s an example: Imagine somebody falling into a deep hole. You can walk by and look down into that deep hole, and say to the person stuck there, “Stop complaining and get out of that hole!” Most likely, if the person could have gotten out, he or she would have already done so. Upon inspection, a helpful person might look around and figure out why the person is stuck and how to get them out. 

Sometimes, what’s required is learning a little bit about how the other person feels, and why they feel that way—and if you love them—helping them to think differently or to solve whatever real problems they may have that caused them to feel like they do. 

Categories: encouragement

Tags: bootstraps, compassion